No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You have to summon your inner elephant
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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