my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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