it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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