your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize