Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if only i could text you this smell
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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