Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize