I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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