Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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