You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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