brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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