Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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