So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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