I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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