Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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