i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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