Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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