Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize