I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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