If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize