fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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