best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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