you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize