forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I did not marry a roomba.
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