I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize