I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
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Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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