It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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