Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize