Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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