Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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