Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize