i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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