i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize