Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
not ubering you a puppy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize