Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
