He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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