I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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