Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My feet surprised me
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