I'm pants shitting drunk right now
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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