Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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