so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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