just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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