I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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