So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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