His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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