I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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