I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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