I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize