Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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