Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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