Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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