yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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